Today I feel like being extra honest and giving in to my small need for a good little rant every now and then, so here is a list of things you may not know about me. Enjoy!
1. I am an Enneagram 4. With a 5 wing. Which means a lot of things I guess, but the ones I most identify in myself are the following: I like to be alone, I like to daydream, and I don’t really do small emotions. Also, I’m not great at making decisions.
2. My mother once asked me if I was a feminist, and when I told her yes, she replied “Janna Beth, I raised you better than that.” I’ve never gotten over the irony of that moment. Feminism is not equal to wearing combat boots and hating men. It just means you have questions about some of the ideas and systems that have been in play during the last few hundred years of predominantly male leadership. It’s about validating the voices of women. That’s it, and I'm here for it.
3. I wasn't allowed to wear pants or blue jeans until I was in the third grade, and I never wore a two piece swimsuit until I after I was married. It’s a rare occasion when I wear one these days, but some days I want to drive the nearest Victoria’s Secret and yell to the world: “This body is okay, too!” Yes, it has some extra pounds. No, the skin is not flawless. But this earthsuit is 42 years old and it actually gave life to three entire humans! Can you say the same for any of the flesh in the photos of this store? I was made for more than being looked at.
4. On the other hand, I often succumb to this weird pressure I feel, that I’m supposed to be the most attractive woman in the room at any given time. I don’t know whether it's from society, my own squirrely self-consciousness, or some evil demon voice whispering in my ear, but I have to struggle to ignore it.
5. I suck at giving presents and taking photos. Just ask my husband and my kids.
6. The only people who would ever accuse me of being loud are my children, because they’re the only ones I ever yell at.
7. Now I’m worried that you think I sound mean and mad. (I worry way too much about what other people think of me–bonus item!)
8. I’m way better at keeping my temper in check when other people are watching, which makes me a hypocrite. My kids have already figured this out. Sorry, guys. You deserve better.
9. About 80% of the time, I dislike talking. I prefer to sit and listen, to watch and observe, to think my own thoughts. Lots and lots of them. The other 20% of the time, I need someone to listen to me for a change. And I usually need it 5 minutes ago. I never know when the 80% part of me is going to be full. I just all of a sudden realize that I feel invisible and trapped inside my head, and everybody else needs to shut up so I can spill my thoughts. It would be nice to figure out a more predictable schedule for these outbursts. I’m open to suggestions.
10. When my kids were little I used to save all the leftovers from their plates and pour their un-drunk kool-aid back in the pitcher.